Supportive Resources

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Compiled by Lori Chenoweth
In Loving Memory of Samuel
Carried by Angels to Jesus – November 8, 2005

If you are reading this right now, chances are you have lost a little one very dear to you. The pain you may feel right now is so real. Be patient with yourself, give yourself permission to grieve this loss, to long to hold your precious little one, and to know that someday you will hold your baby in heaven. You will recognize and know this child you lost as your own. Someone once told me of a child who momentarily died and after being resuscitated told his parents upon returning, "Mommy, I saw my brother and sister in heaven!" The parents never knew that the babies they lost were a boy and girl.

There are many who don't always understand how painful miscarriage and stillbirth can be because the idea of the child is not tangible to very many except the mother. This doesn't make the loss any less real. Whether your child was older or someone you never got to hold and see, at conception your child was created with an eternal soul. Your precious child is in Jesus' arms right now tenderly loved and cared for in the way you would have, had you gotten to hold him or her.

After being told I had secondary infertility and had a less than 1% chance of ever getting pregnant, I conceived a deeply longed for little boy. At almost 15 weeks pregnant I was told at an ultrasound that my baby had died. I could hardly believe that my loving Heavenly Father could allow such a loss. After all, doesn't our Father promise good gifts? Yes, but it has taken time for me to receive the gifts the Father gave me through Samuel. If not having Samuel would mean I could erase all the pain I experienced from conceiving and then losing him, I would never make that choice. Because I gave life to him, I will look forward to holding him in Heaven!

Though my time to see and hold Samuel was very brief, I now realize what a miracle life and birth are. I also treasure life more knowing that life is delicate and death is possible. So very tiny and yet so perfectly formed, he was amazing because my Creator fashioned and formed Him beautifully. Death had taken its toll, yet when I looked at him through God's eyes, I saw a wondrous work of His creation, and someday I will see Samuel again in a radiant heavenly body, glorified and perfected by God! I have been touched by eternity, now on the other side of death, awaits my beautiful boy to hug and kiss me. My Jesus' loved me enough to take upon Himself my sins by dying on the cross so that I could receive His free gift by inviting Him into my heart. He conquered death for me so that I no longer have to fear it, and now I can look forward to seeing those I love in heaven with Him.

Give yourself time to journal, to write your baby, to express your love to him or her, to name the child you lost, to hold a memorial to commemorate your baby's life, or even to write a letter from your child to yourself. You may even desire to put up a stocking for your baby at Christmas or to celebrate his or her birthday. Your baby's life is special and it is okay for you to remember your baby. You don't have to forget, as if your baby never lived. These are ways God can bless you and others through the road you are walking. As I grieved over losing Samuel, I wrote a letter from Him to myself and was blessed so much through that. I hope that this letter will bless your heart and give you ears to hear your own dear baby dancing and praising Jesus in Heaven. I pray that my list of resources and letter will touch you with God's deep love for you and bring you comfort. If you need to contact someone, you can e-mail me at teawithlc@msn.com

Dear Mommy,

      I kicked you once to tell you I love you. Those butterfly flutters were me inside of you letting you know I was there happy, growing in your tummy. Remember that day you saw me wiggling and swimming up and down? I felt so warm and safe there inside you. One day Jesus called to me and I knew it was my time to be with Him. Angels came and took me up to heaven in their arms.

      When I got there my heart felt such joy! Jesus smiled so big the first time I saw Him. He took me in His arms, blessed me, and told me that I am His child. You know what, Mommy? He hugged me and held me so close to His heart. I felt so full of love for Him, I jumped down and began to sing and praise Him.

      Mommy, it is so beautiful up here. It is so bright and full of God's light. The streets are gold and the gates are made of pearl and other jewels. I love to run in the grass and play with the other little ones up here.

      Mommy, I love you with all my heart, I can't wait to kiss you and hug you. Please don't miss me down there. Tell my Daddy and sisters that I love them too. Give them a kiss for me. I can hardly wait to play with Julianna and Katelyn. We will have so much fun worshiping Jesus together. He is so worthy of praise, so kind and good! He smiled so big the first time I saw Him. I'm happy here, Mommy.

Hugs and kisses,

   Samuel

• I'll Hold You In Heaven by Jack Hayford ISBN: 0-837-3259-4

This is a small paperback book that provides many meaningful verses that brought me comfort regarding my baby having an eternal soul and reassurance on conception being the point at which my baby had a soul. I felt so encouraged by this book that one day I will be able to hold my baby in heaven.

• I'll Hold You In Heaven Journal by Debbie Heydrick ISBN: 0-8307-3260-8

Debbie compassionately shares from her own pregnancy losses, lyrics from songs, as well as verses, and comforting thoughts that brought her heart comfort. The invitations to journal my own feelings surrounding the loss of my baby helped to give validity to the way I was feeling and to also help me process the hurt that I was working through.

• Forever In Our Hearts by Russ and June Gordon ISBN: 1-58997-144-2

This is a small photo-journal album in which families can place pictures and memorabilia and journal thoughts - the brief but incredibly precious lives of their little ones can be remembered. Can be purchased from the Web site www.quiet refuge.com or call (719) 481-0460.

• Mommy, Please Don't Cry by Linda DeYmaz ISBN: 1-885305-45-1

"Mommy, Please Don't Cry is a book of love and comfort for mothers who have experienced the deep sorrow of losing a child. Each page is like opening a gift- bright, beautiful, joyful illustrations and gentle, poignant words describe heaven from a child's eyes. It is a message of hope and healing."

• Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur. Throughout this book, Pastor Macarthur affirms this

expectation: The Father delights in, and shows compassion to, His younger ones. "Every child conceived," he writes, "is a God-created and God-loved person with a God-given purpose and destiny." Therefore, God's love enfolds every child-from the first moment of life to the last.

• His Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd ISBN: 1-59052-331-8

It's hard to look at our lives and think of ourselves as royalty. But the truth is, God is our King and He has chosen us. As your soul soaks in these love letters from your King, be affirmed of who you are, why you are here, and how much you are loved.

• Do Not Lose Heart by Dave Dravecky ISBN: 0-310-21706-7

These are devotions of encouragement and comfort. Though not specifically for miscarriage, this book talks of the assurance Dave Dravecky, cancer survivor and former all-star pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, gained of his hope in heaven as he faced the possibility of death in his fight to overcome cancer. Beautiful illustrations by Thomas Kinkade, and even more wonderful are the encouraging meditations on heaven and salvation as we face painful life experiences in this fallen world.

Resources for Siblings

• Molly's Rosebush by Janice Cohn ISBN: 0-8075-5213-5

"When the new baby they've been expecting isn't strong enough to be born, Molly and her family find different ways to express their feelings and comfort each other.

• Mommy, Please Don't Cry by Linda DeYmaz ISBN: 1-885305-45-1

"Mommy, Please Don't Cry is a book of love and comfort for mothers who have experienced the deep sorrow of losing a child. Each page is like opening a gift- bright, beautiful, joyful illustration and gentle, poignant words describe heaven from a child's eyes. It is a message of hope and healing."

• Someone I Love Died by Christine Harder Tangvald ISBN: 155513490-4

This book provides a positive approach for children to deal with the death of a friend or loved one in a comforting, non-threatening way and points them to Jesus Christ, the ultimate source of comfort and security.

• Grandpa Is There A Heaven? By Katherine Bohlmann ISBN: 0-570-07136-4

"When children ask questions about this sensitive subject, pull them onto your lap and read them this gentle book. Full of important questions and answers, Grandpa, Is There A Heaven? Explains the compassion and beauty of God's plan for His people through Jesus, and how the Bible tells us it's true. Jesus is real. He's alive today. He's preparing a place for His people. And it's called heaven.

Phone Numbers for Prayer & Support:

• Share: a support group formed specifically to support women or couples who have experienced

a loss of life through miscarriage or still birth.

Jennifer Unrau 260-7540

Melissa Lage 640-7691

Here is the Pikes Peak Share website: http://www.pikespeakshare.org/

• Outreach of Hope: 481-3528 Offers prayer support on the phone as well as mailing out

resources to help with grief. They are a ministry based in Monument founded by

former all-star pitcher Dave Dravecky and cancer survivor. Their purpose is to

help those who are grieving and dealing with loss.

• Focus on the Family: 531-3300 Will provide a complementary book as well as a list of resources to help with loss and grieving. They also will provide a complementary counseling session.

Websites for Miscarriage Support:

• http://www.pikespeakshare.org/ Pikes Peak Share is a group of mothers who meet to support each other in their losses of babies due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and stillbirth. These ladies meet at St. Luke's Church on the 2nd Tuesday of each month. They also hold a Walk to Remember and Christmas service to commemorate their babies. Some of the ladies are also willing to visit you in the hospital or to receive calls when facing a loss.

• www.hannah.org Hannah's Prayer is a Christian support network for couples facing "fertility challenges" including infertility or the death of a baby at any time from conception through early infancy. Our group is based on the concept that every man or woman facing fertility challenges is a "modern day Hannah" in reflection of the story found in First Samuel, chapters 1-2. (If you want to know more about Hannah, please visit our Bible page and click on "Who is Hannah?") We feature nearly 80 interactive message board groups though our Community Forums for Christian women dealing with infertility, pregnancy/infant loss adoption, or parenthood after fertility challenges.  We also offer an international index of support groups, a live chat room and the Hannah to Hannah newsletter. Special pages are designed to help your family and friends or pastors and church leaders to be more aware of the needs of infertile and bereaved families. Resources are provided for especially sensitive times such as holidays and baby showers, learning to live childfree, failed adoption attempts, high-risk pregnancy and post-abortion issues. Our prayer is that these resources will assist you medically, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually. Draw comfort from the books in our suggested reading list, a page of prayers and stories of inspiration. Husbands find a unique place of refuge and understanding in Elkanah's Corner. Read about the impact of Hannah's Prayer in the lives of men and women like you. Celebrate God's gifts through adoption success stories and healthy pregnancy and birth!

• http://www.pikespeakshare.org/

• www.angelsinheaven.org Angels in Heaven Ministries would like to welcome you.  Out of our losses and the comfort we have received in Christ, we reach out to you . . .We pray that this website will be a place of peace and comfort for those enduring the loss of a treasured life. We want to offer our condolences and to validate the grief and pain you are experiencing as a result of your loss. We want this to be a place where you can find some answers to questions you might have concerning your grief through a variety of resources. We want to offer a listening ear during lonely times of grief.  Having a special Memory Keepsake to remember your  treasured loved one by, as well as feeling that you are still taking time to honor that life is important and we want to offer our line of Memory Keepsakes to those desiring to reach out and comfort someone in grief.

• www.quietrefuge.com If you are visiting this site, it probably means you or someone you love has experienced a pregnancy loss or the death of an infant or young child and you are searching for some understanding- or some way to fill the emptiness in your heart.  We are so sorry that you are going through this pain. We cannot provide any easy answers to your grief.  What we can do is tell you how much we care and point you towards some resources that will guide you along on your journey.  Please visit our Resources Page for some ideas.  Also consider our Comfort Collection as a simple but meaningful way of saying, "we care."

• http://www.waymarks.com/wmnplc/support.html A website for women to gain comfort and help them to connect on-line with others who have experienced various kinds of loss, and gain encouragement.

• www.links4women.com A site for researching various online supports and to research causes of miscarriage.

• http://www.angelfire.com/mt2/grieving/ Welcome to "Arms of Love," a ministry started to fulfill the need of grieving Christian parents for fellowship with other like-minded, hurting parents. We now have an online Bulletin Board available for grieving parents to help one another on this painful journey. Please respect the basic guidelines posted, and feel free to post as often as you like. Remember, you can always email me for a personal reply.

Websites that offer Comforting Things for Purchase to Commemorate Your Loss:

• Angels in Heaven and Quiet Refuge sites listed above also offer special journals for purchase)

• http://www.homestead.com/godslittleones/micropreemies.html A site where it is possible to purchase a little porcelain baby doll that would be the same size as the one lost to appreciate the miracle of God's little one.

• http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/ This site offers many various ways to commemorate the loss of loved ones. There are some beautiful angels created by Karen Hahn called Foundation Angels with verses right from the Bible written on their gowns. They are also available through the Enesco website:

• http://www.cherrylanecollection.com/en_foundations.htm (You can find other sites that sell these angels just by doing a web search for Foundation angels by Karen Hahn.

Websites With an Encouraging Poem During the Holidays:

• My first Christmas in Heaven poem and plays Silent Night http://www.my-tgif.com/christmas_heaven.shtml

• Also has Christmas in Heaven poem with Angels from the Realms of Glory hymn. http://wandascountryhome.com/christmas/heaven/

• Valentines Day with Jesus poem: http://www.marilynspoetry.com/view/?pageID=131127

Songs for Comfort:

• Debbie Heydrick's journal I'll Hold You in Heaven has the words to many comforting songs listed there.

• He Knows Your Name by Tommy Coomes Band

• Twila Paris Visitor From Heaven

• Waiting by Shannon Wexelberg A song by a woman who experienced seven years of barrenness and the ache she felt in this journey. This song brought encouragement to my friend during her time of loss after miscarriage.

This document is also available in PDF and Microsoft Word formats.